Like the vast majority of Filipinos, I was born and raised a Catholic, by a family for whom faith has always been felt, but lived. I was also born and raised in a city, taught by my mentors (many of whom come from my family) the value of reason, logic and critical thinking.
Ah, the olde Faith vs. Reason dichotomy, some of you will say.
Not quite. Think more Religion vs. Reason.
It is the Catholic Church, with its doctrines and hierarchy and ancient traditions, with which my reason struggles. Not because I have a little "Creationist" angel and "Evolutionist" devil perched on my shoulders and shouting imprecations at each other - the mainstream Catholic Church is not quite as literal in its interpretation of the Good Book (anymore) I think.
What I do have trouble with, is reconciling my discerned moral values on issues such as birth control, homosexuality and individual rights with certain positions adopted by my Church, and clothed with the aura of immovable authority. Even more difficult to reconcile is a structure wherein I can be told by members of the hierarchy that my discerned moral values are wrong, without engaging me in any discussion and debate. I've never dealt well with "arguments from authority" - just ask my mother.
One does not however, simply discard one's religion, nor can one shrug off as irrelevant the teachings of a Church that have passed through the hands of some of the most brilliant - and radical, for their time - thinkers the human race has ever produced.
What is a Concerned Catholic to do then? While many will have their own methods, mine has been engraved in my bones from years of Jesuit education: pull up a chair, open a book, read it, and discern.
Fair enough.
Right now as my Lenten commitment (I hardly consider reading a good book to be a 'sacrifice') I will be trying to go through two "textbooks" that have gone unread for too long: "Doubts and Loves" by Richard F. Holloway, retired Bishop of Edinburgh in the Scottish Episcopal Church. The second is "Why I Am a Catholic?" a Pulitzer Prize winning author, and one of the few Catholics I know who writes critical, researched books on the Church while still being in the Church.
I hope to find through Holloway's book a distillation of how far the general Christian religion can be reconciled with modern conceptions of values. I read the book of Wills to see how he answers his question... and whether such an answer will apply to me.
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